Sunday, 29 August 2010

sixty.

Stalin's Cows by Sofi Oksanen (2003)
(Stalinin lehmät)

Anna is half-Finnish and half-Estonian. Her mother is Estonian, takes her there often during the 1980s, when it still was Soviet. But her mother won't let Anna be Estonian, because Estonian women are whores in the west. Anna's father is rarely present, he still works in Soviet, but every time he comes home, Anna's mum finds new evidence concerning his whores. Anna won't allow her body to be more than 50 kgs.

This book has yet not been published in English, but it definitely should be. Oksanen's third novel, however, Purge, has been published in English and it is my next purchase for sure.

It was really hard to read about Anna who suffered from bulimia. If I had read this a few years ago, it would have been thinspiration. But now it was like being haunted by a bad memory; all the rules, lies and feelings came back, so much of Anna was at some time me. But it is also a reminder of how far I have come and for that reason alone, I'm glad I read this book.

The Estonian part of the story is also a reason why I'm glad I have read it. It partially follows Anna's mother from when she met Anna's father and until Estonia's independence. And it also goes further back than that, back to World War II. It is a beautiful portrait of the fear and absurdity in Soviet. And the attitude in the west towards people, and especially women, from the former Soviet. And it made me miss Finland and regret that I never learnt the language.

(This is without doubt the hardest and most personal post I have made and I have the urge to delete parts of it, but I'm trying to be brave.)

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